there you were, the pastiche of some lovely distant star as i surrounded only my small self, still alive
Nobody wants pity, they want understanding and support. THESE are the true opposites, the true counter-actors to isolation and detachment. Expressions of worry will always come off patronizingly no matter how well-meaning your intentions were, because at the end of the day for those few moments you stopped believing in the competency of the human being in front of you. You suspended your understanding of the person you know and substituted it for a sad helpless caricature that you can feel sorry for, one whose right to autonomy you are implying should be called into question. There is nothing reassuring about that. If you want to encourage someone who may be in trouble, pity or worry is the LAST thing you should be expressing, or should even WANT to express. Pity is a self-gratuitous, self-righteous emotion. It’s playing God, even in the “purest” of scenarios
(via fullwoman)
Instead of making a resolution to lose weight this year, consider resolving to work on accepting and caring for the body you actually have, with its natural size and shape! This approach is healthier physically and psychologically, and unlike weight loss, it’s sustainable long term. It has the benefit of being contagious, too: people who’ve begun to make peace with their bodies give implicit permission to others to do the same. It’s a cooperative (inter- and intra-personally) and non-competitive approach, so it’s healthier relationally as well. Win-win-win.
Here are some ways to work on body acceptance:
- reassess the media you consume. is thinness glorified? white/european features? does it make you feel better or worse about your own body?
- follow media that celebrates diverse bodies (incl. gender expressions and (dis)abilities)
- read literature that takes a critical view of mainstream weight science and popular beliefs about body size (my resource list, and this more comprehensive list)
- think critically about the diet culture we live in, journal or blog about your thoughts and observations, incl. how it affects you personally
- get rid of clothes that are too small or aren’t comfortable! as your budget allows, buy and experiment with clothes that feel good on the body you have right now
- cover your mirrors for a while and process your feelings around that experience. do you feel freer? more anxious? both? why?
- learn about the ways in which systems of oppression inform and affect your body image. maybe start with the writings of bell hooks, sara ahmed, simone de beauvoir, this bridge called my back, naomi wolf’s the beauty myth, and [other suggestions?]
If you’re not ready yet to give up the goal of weight loss, you could incorporate some of these for a gentler approach. Making peace with your body takes patience, intention, and self-compassion. I hope this year brings them all in greater measure. <3
And in 2019 you’re invited to work through my body image curriculum, by yourself or (ideally) with others!
(via replanting)
gentiles on this website: “The Old Testament God is cruel and vengeful!”
actual Jews in my synagogue yesterday: “My favorite part of the reading is when it says the Torah is not in heaven so it’s too far to reach, it’s not across the sea so we can’t get it, but that it’s in our hearts… the idea of having that be so close, of being so close to something divine, that thrills me.”
“And here, where it says ‘the Lord will delight in you as he did in your fathers’, that’s such a beautiful thing. You know, God is this all-powering being, and God delights in us.”gentiles on this website: “You can’t be an atheist and religious!”
actual Jews in my synagogue yesterday: “I’m just not buying any of this. I was born during the Holocaust and I could never wrap my mind around this omnipotent all-seeing God, and usually I’m a little moved by this, I try to be hopeful, but when I look around the world now, I just don’t buy it! If I really believed there was a God, I would resent him.” [still wears a prayer shawl and attends synagogue regularly]gentiles on this website: “Religious people never question what they’re told, they just followed blindly!”
my actual rabbi: “Sometimes the Torah can be like an older relative whom we love dearly, and who has a lot of wisdom to give, but who also says things that cause us pain, that we find offensive or wrong. And I think the wrong instinct would be to pretend we don’t hear what they’re saying, or to cut them out entirely, or to be guided by them into thinking and behaving in offensive ways. What we need to do is engage the Torah. We need to wrestle with it, and try to understand it, to figure out where it’s coming from and learn how we can progress from it, because the Torah is not unchanging. It belongs in each of our hearts, and it changes for us as we study it, as each generation challenges its old assumptions.”
(Source: greenandhazy, via hymnsofheresy)
the problem with how this conversation about sexual abuse that is very public and very visible is that the release of stories becomes about sensationalism instead of healing. which is the nature of media, i know.
the consequence is millions and millions of people having conversations they are not prepared or equipped to have
victims without proper care and support
and those who haven’t expereinced abuse without the vernacular and nuance to have tactful conversations
so what’s left?
petty public sloppy messy debates on social media
about shit that isn’t debatable.
(via yourbigsisnissi)
(Source: metaphorformetaphor)
Ominous positivity
You will be okay. You have no choice.
(via not-afraid-of-the--dark)
Fave blogs?Oh I got a bunch, but most of my old favorite mutuals aren’t even on here anymore. But some are and I’m glad they’re still here even though I was gone for two years, so I’m glad. Also some nonmutuals here that I just like following: @hatetah ,@igrieveinstereo ,@josefinaaac ,@elionking ,@soouth , @interstellarsentinel , @therealconfused , @softestpear , I know I’m forgetting some smh but I’ll add more once I post this
@section8babe , @acnesuperstar ,@hoetheory ,@cathoelic ,@phatandfunky @humanitiesgf